Waiting..

This is what I`m doing lately.. Waiting, and actually feeling sad. I can`t just wait like this, I have to do something to make my dreams come true. But sometimes I thought I`m not destined to be in that way. Every morning I felt unrelieved. Sometimes I didn`t believe my dreams will come true, cause it`s to far to reach *for me, maybe not for you.

Well, this posting contains negative thoughts, and it`s not good. But that`s what I feel now. I try to be positive, but it is hard. Sometimes it makes me think to separate my dreams and reality. I have to had big big big strength to make my dreams come true. Actually I can`t do anything if there`s no Allah..

Sometimes I`m asking why this life is not fair. But Allah always be fair to all of us. Even in human perspective it is not. But Allah already has given fairness to all of us. Sometimes I blame myself why did I choose that way??!! Why I didn`t choose that way at that time?!! But again, Allah is always be fair to us! But I haven`t understand that fairness.

And what I can describe about what the most I`m doing now is to sit and imagine my dreams come true. But I don`t want to be too deep diving on my dreams, cause if I didn`t get it someday, I will be really sad. But tough if I`m not imagine it, I don`t have passion to do something to make it come true. Oh this is wrong, everything that I do now means that I do it because of my dreams then? Well this is wrong,..

I ever read about sincere in Islam. What the most I like about sincere positive effect is that we will not ever be dissapointed of something that we have done or we will done. Cause we do it with sincere to Allah. So actually, now, I don`t have to be sad, or dissapointed or scared if someday my dreams cannot be come true.. Cause actually what we do in this world is not actually just for us. We live with other people. I don`t want to make my parents sad.

I just want to give them a present. I can`t give them anything, except to make them feel happy. I just want to make them happy Allah, I want to give them something.. Please... I know you have been here with me for almost more than 17 years. You know me since I was made. You made me Allah. You know everything about me. You know all of my dreams. You know what I have imagine for all this time. You know what`s the best for me.. You know that I`m hoping something now. You know that I`m feeling sad now. You know everything. I know You`ll never do wrong.

Just please Allah, if I can`t reach it.. Please give me a strength to erase it on my mind. So I didn`t feel sad anymore, or hope about it.... If my way is still long enough to reach my dreams, I hope people around me will understand and support me.. Granted my prayer Allah.. Amin...